TOW all the sleuthing
by AEM77
Summary: Chandler and Phoebe are on the trail of Mr. Heckles' killer. Inspired by Phoebe's idea that she and Chandler should solve crimes together. Takes place in the early portion of the series and Chandler and Monica aren't together...yet.


"Oh, oh, oh" Chandler exclaims bouncing manically in his seat on the armrest of the sofa at Central Perk. "Pretty girl, 10 o'clock, pretty girl."

It takes Joey a bit longer than it should to determine the coordinates of the woman Chandler's identified, but as he does he murmurs his assent, "Hello, pretty lady."

"Oh my God," Ross concurs before catching Rachel's disapproving glare, "Goodness," he corrects. "Oh my goodness. Will you look at the time? I've got to run. See you guys." He sheepishly makes to leave before sneaking a last covert look at the woman commanding the boys' attention who is now ordering a drink from a smitten looking Gunther.

"Men," Rachel spits in disgust flopping herself into the café seat Ross has just vacated. She looks to Monica and Phoebe for support but finds Phoebe is also busy ogling the attractive brunette.

Monica however nods her agreement adjusting her place on the couch a bit to avoid Chandler who slumps down beside her and asks the group at large, "What do I do? What should I do?"

"Well you could, you know, man up and go over there" Monica teases with a smirk.

"Gee, thanks Monica that's great advice," Chandler retorts, "You know if you ever find you can't hack it as a chef you should really consider motivational speaking."

"You want me to go talk to her for you?" Joey asks waggling his eyebrows, "Warm her up for you."

"Right, because that's never backfired before," Chandler huffs sarcastically slumping back against the sofa in frustration.

"What's the big deal?" Rachel asks, "So she's a pretty girl. Go talk to her. Be yourself. You're asking her out, not storming the beaches of Normandy."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Chandler asks in disbelief. "Be myself? Oh my God. You're advice is worse than Monica's!"

"Hey!" Monica exclaims affronted.

"Believe me, asking out a beautiful woman is a million times more difficult than some military operation. If more Nazis had looked like that girl we'd all be speaking German right now."

"Nazis," Joey begins puzzled. "That's World War II, right? Did we win that one?"

"Oh my God. Shut up, shut up," Chandler begins waving his arms wildly about, "She's coming over. Look natural, look natural!" He begins adjusting his position in his seat trying out a series of increasing unnatural poses before awkwardly tossing his arms wide along the back of the sofa inadvertently upending Monica's coffee mug in the process.

"Chandler!" She yells.

"Shit! I'm sorry, Monica," Chandler begins ungracefully heaping a number of napkins onto her lap. His actions are interrupted however by the arrival of the beautiful woman they've been discussing.

"Monica? Monica Geller?"

"I'm Monica," Chandler begins stupidly before correcting himself, "This," he points in exaggeration to his friend beside him with an embarrassed smile, "I mean, this is Monica Geller. I'm Chandler. Chandler Bling…Bing. I mean Bing."

Monica shakes her head in disbelief at Chandler's embarrassing display before putting a comforting hand on his knee to stop his rambling and rescues him with her own introduction, "I'm Monica. And you are?"

"Jessica. Jessica Knightley." She hesitates for a moment before gesturing to the seat beside Rachel, "Would it be okay if I joined you and your friends for a moment?"

Monica is about to nod her assent, when Joey jumps off the couch making a large show of offering his seat to their new arrival. "I'm Joey," he greets throwing her a lopsided grin. He then turns to Rachel all gallantry gone, "Move it, Rach."

"Excuse me?" Rachel huffs even as she allows herself to be scooted out of her seat nearest the couch.

"Hello," Jessica returns sitting gingerly on the edge of the couch and turning to face Monica once more. "I was hoping to talk to you, if I may, about my uncle."

"Your uncle?" Monica asks in confusion. "Who's your uncle?"

"Lawrence Heckles."

"Lawrence Heckles?" Rachel repeats looking momentarily confused before realizing to whom Jessica is referring. "Mr. Heckles?" She asks stressing the honorific.

"Mr. Heckles is your uncle?" Chandler asks horrified. "You share DNA with Mr. Heckles? You?" He gestures to the beautiful woman sitting across him in disbelief.

"No, actually," she laughs lightly. "He was my father's best friend. The 'Uncle' was really just honorary."

"So Mr. Heckles was like a judge or something?" Joey asks in confusion.

Monica looks blankly at Joey for a moment before rolling her eyes and returning her attention to Jessica. "I'm sorry, we didn't realize Mr. Heckles had any friends or family. When he died we were told that he was pretty much alone."

"I know," Jessica agrees sadly. "My own father passed away several years ago. Right before he died, he and Uncle Larry had a terrible fight. They never made up."

"That's terrible," Chandler says sympathetically finally sounding like a normal human being again.

"Yeah," Monica agrees, "I'm very sorry to hear that. But what can we do for you? We barely knew your uncle."

"Actually," Jessica begins moving in closer to them all and lowering her voice a bit, "I'm hoping you'll be able to let me into his apartment. You see," she hesitates a moment looking suspiciously over her shoulder, "I think my uncle may have been murdered."

The stunned silence this pronouncement produces is interrupted suddenly by a dazed Phoebe who interjects, "I'm Monica…No, I mean, I'm Phoebe… God you're beautiful…Did you say murdered?"


End file.
